DinoSlam-- June 17, 2017
Party World Rasslin's Summer Show of 2017. Card Announcement THEODOSIA ((PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPION)) vs. CHAD BLITZ Partyweight Title and CUSTODY OF KIPPY match! In this totally normal and legal session of FAMILY COURT, the future of the 13-year-old Kippy hangs in the balance! Celebrity surfer CHAD BLITZ brainwashed Kippy into his CULT OF HELLSPORT, and seeks to bring about a new age of “chill” to all of PWR. But speaking of chill, Theodosia didn’t wake up from 200 party years of icy slumber to let anyone mess with her best friend! Will she save Kippy, and all of us, from HELLSPORT’S LAST DISCIPLE? Buddy, we gotta go to the ring to figure out that one! ----------------------- THE DUMPSTERS BABES’ WEDDING Pink Eye ((Garbageweight Champion)) and Babyface are tying the knot! They have kindly invited us to the ceremony; what an honor! Expect a totally normal wedding between the two trash-worshipping, dumpster-dwelling tag team partners. Nothing bad or weird will happen! The PWR Promise… ---------------------- Intergalactic Express vs. The Academic Auto Tag Team Action! Disgraced public school teacher Mrs. Fennenbaum and her last (living?) student, Hubert, are hunting dinos! But they’ve stumbled upon Space Lizard Super Wizard and Mister Massive Goliath, the Inergalactic express! Will Space Lizard be dissected for the furtherance of science? Is he a dinosaur? Are reptiles dinosaurs? NO ONE KNOWS, BUT THIS MATCH BRINGS US CLOSER TO THE TRUTH ---------------------- H.A.D.E.S Demonstration Wow! Skip Rathbone and his crew of DINOSAUR TRAINERS will be demoing HUMAN AND DINOSAUR ENVIRONMENTAL SYSTEMS! This cutting-edge methodology for training dinosaurs to serve humans doesn’t seem sketchy or dangerous, not one bit! ---------------------- A Special Announcement from Puggin”Head PWR’s favorite former Kid’s TV Show Host, Chubby Uncle Juan, will be bringing out his tiny pal Puggin’Head for a very special announcement! You know you want to see the LITTLE GUY do his thing! ---------------------- Luigi Primo vs. Big Daddy Bolero Pizza Making Contest Big Daddy Bolero, the tall man from Dallas, weasled his way out of his last match with Luigi. Now, Austin’s most LEGITIMATELY ITALIAN PIZZA CHEF is calling for a final reckoning! It’s an old country pizza making contest! Can the Pizza Power of the DALLAS-FORT WORTH AREA compete wiht that of NAPLES? The rules are simple. 2 pizza stations. One dinosaur judge. The first person to FEED AND SATISFY the dinosaur with a good pizza, wins! Anything goes... ---------------------- The Man Event™ with Dan "the Man" Ziglar Formerly a pretender to godhood and overall oppressor of PWR, Dan Ziglar has retained some of his corporate sponsors, and all of his “winning” attitude. We didn’t want to book him at all after he almost destroyed PWR. But due to FRIGHTENING LEGAL THREATS, we had to concede to giving him at least an IN RING SEGMENT. He has promised to ADDRESS THE CONTROVERSY of DARKWAR! ---------------------- Gary the Goat’s Birthday Gary the Goat is turning 1420! Let’s all have a good time and just totally go crazy. Baby Worm has already blessed him with a gift - giving him a few dinosaur mutations! Awesome! ---------------------- PLUS: ---------------------- Joey Boderich: Formerly DADBOD, the BADASS YOGADAD and founder of DBYOGA will probably be making an appearance! This dad ROCKS, and does YOGA! The NARRC: Our BFF CHAMPIONS will make an appearance to defend their belts! The North American RailRoad Commission is out to spread TRAINLAW across the whole world! Can even DINOSAURS stop them? Kippy (Age 13): Has PWR’s most angst-ridden teen grown out of her HELLSPORT phase? Or will she become a lifelong disciple of CHAD BLITZ? He may legally be her dad after DINOSLAM! Goldie: This mutant goldfish is Chad Blitz’s number-1 lieutenant. Who slimy plans does she have? Keep your fins out of that match, Goldie! DOUBLE PLUS EVEN MORE! Post Show Write Up= -- THEODOSIA TRIUMPHANT; CHET BLITZ EMERGENT; KIPPY RE-PRE-TEEN'D ** -- SWEATY, ROWDY MULTIVERSE SWEARS OATH TO MAGICAL BABY WORM ** D I N O S L A M R E C A P ~ Do you want more? Get off the Facebook hellworld and join our cool listserv! Find out about new shows, new promos, and other good stuff. http://tinyletter.com/partyworldrasslin ~ The 4th Tap Slamming Pits were hot, but not hotter than the FIRES IN OUR HEARTS! Dinosaurs slammed, dinosaurs GOT slammed...tragedies unfolded, love triumphed, and a miracle occurred! This was DINOSLAM! --- PARTY FOUL! GOAT BIRTH BENCHED BY COARSE HORSE BENCHCERATOPS def. GARY THE GOATASAUR --- It was a special goat's special day! GARY THE GOATASAUR was merely trying to have a birthday celebration in the ring... when BENCHCERATOPS, the horse-dinosaur hybrid who bench presses, started PARTYING ANTISOCIALLY! Before Benchceratops could smash a beloved saxaphone, Gary challenged him to a match! The two retro-evolved BARNYARD BRAWLERS went at it hard. Would the BENCHMONSTER finally be stopped? No... BENCHCERATOPS won the day with his cruel might. --- TRAIN LAW SETS PREHISTORIC PRECEDENT The NORTH AMERICAN RAILROAD COMMISSION (BFF Champions) def. PUGGIN'HEAD + ARBITRO OBSCURO --- Puggin’Head, remade as Puggy’Saurus, got a PWR wrestling contract! The mysterious ARBITRO OBSCURO tagged up with our little pal to defend him from a North American Railroad Commission blindside. An impromptu BEST FRIENDS FOREVER TAG TITLE MATCH followed. The dastardly power of TRAIN LAW proved too much for even a friendship as pure as Arbitro and Puggy. Despite suffering a torn bicep, we believe in Puggy and his indomitable spirit! --- DISSECTION CORRECTED INTERGALACTIC EXPRESS def ACADEMIC AUTO --- Disgraced public school teacher MRS. FENNENBAUM sought to teach her adult student HUBERT all about dinosaur entrails... but instead of a dinosaur, she found an alien: the mighty SPACE LIZARD SUPER WIZARD! The EDUCATIONAL and HIGH FLYING match ended with Space Lizard’s partner MISTER MASSIVE GOLIATH performing a MASSIVE ATTACK on Hubert and cinching in a win! Boy, did Mrs. F not like that! Also Hubert is dead now --- MACHINE-MAN LEARNING MODULE ENDS POORLY DINO'S CHAMP def. SKIP RATHBONE --- Cyborg and former gameshow host SKIP RATHBONE showed of his H.A.D.E.S program...training dinosaurs to serve humans. A demonstration meant to inspire trust between human and dinosaur soon turned much darker. Skip and his trainers’ methods were exposed as cruel, deadly and violent! A Southern TRUODON lawyer emerged - challenging Skip to a match for the freedom of his dinosaur specimens! DINO LAW reigned that day - Skip Rathbone’s foul program was dismantled. The SLAMS OF THE DINO'S CHAMP nourished Baby Worm! --- A NEW CHALLENGER... A NEWER CHALLENGE! DINO RIDA def. DAN "THE MAN" ZIGLAR --- We braced ourselves for Dan Ziglar’s in-ring interview segment: “The Man Event!” His browbeating and complaining was interrupted by... A NEW CHALLENGER! This masked warrior - DINO RIDA - stood in the name of DINOLAW, accusing Dan of PREHISTORIC CRIMES! PWR has rarely seen such a hard-hitting and action-packed match - rocks hovered inches above the canvas as the WARRIOR SPIRITS of these two competitors surged! Briefly, Dan, ‘Rider, and referee Zuigiri joined forces to battle off some SKELETONS OF UNKNOWN PROVENANCE. When the match returned to normal, DINO RIDA scored a massive upset, defeating the former Partyweight Champ! In the aftermath, Dan interrogated a FALLEN SKEL and discovered... A FEATHER?? WHAT COULD THIS MEAN.... --- GET THE DOOR... IT'S DOMINATION ._-= PIZZA PARTY WORLD RASSLIN' PIZZA CHALLENGE =-_. BIG DADDY BOLERO (represented by CAVE FROWN) def. LUIGI PRIMO --- Big Daddy Bolero was set to face Luigi in an OLD COUNTRY PIZZA MAKING CONTEST, with a dinosaur judge: Partysaurus! But the entrepreneur from Dallas once again bailed on his match, subbing out CAVE FROWN in his place! Luigi and the Cave Frown battled furiously while trying to finish pizzas... and finally, Luigi fought off his Cro-Magnon foe and completed a PERFECT TRILOBITE PIE! But Big Daddy Bolero returned - blinding the pizza man and literally SPIKING his pizza! Partysaurus wolfed it down - choking and collapsing in the middle of the ring. This miscarriage of pizza justice still resulted in a BIG DUBYA for Cave Frown and BDB. --- BAD DADS', RUDE 'TUDE, CRASH, SMASH TRASH BASH DADS IN CHARGE (DADBOD + BIG DADDY BOLERO) def. THE DUMPSTER BABES --- Big Daddy Bolero wasn’t finished, though. What began as a beautiful and touchingly disgusting DUMPSTER WEDDING turned into a violent showdown. DADBOD showed his true colors once again, betraying his daughter, the bride to be, as BDB revealed himself as the false priest! The newly christened D.I.C won a victory against our lovestruck heros. But even in loss, Babyface and Pinkeye’s ETERNAL TRASHLOVE shown brightly, and T-Ref officiated the end of the ceremony! Hooray! --- ._-= PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH =-_. THEODOSIA def. CHAD BLITZ --- The PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP was on the line! The LEGAL CUSTODY OF KIPPY (AGE 13) was on the line! The GUARDIANSHIP OF BABY WORM was on the line! So many things on the line--what was this, a wrestling match, or a commercial web router? Desperate after the collapse of HELLSPORT, INC, absorbed evil twin of former actual celebrity Chet Blitz CHAD BLITZ was seeking the awesome power of BABY WORM--who trusts implicitly the holder of the PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP BELT. Meanwhile, reigning champion THEODOSIA hoped to win back the custody of her friend KIPPY (AGE 13), now a brainwashed Hellsport zealot. The two women--both survivors of TIMECRIME--banded together as Theodosia, assaulted on all sides, smashed Chad with the Wagon Wheel, and pinned him for a 3 count. Ring-a-ding-ding! Chet Blitz, freed from the control of his evil ingested twin by the defeat, resurfaced. Penitent, he offered the final HELLSPORT to Kippy in an attempt to undo her teen-aging--but was thwarted by his mutant goldfish, GOLDIE. Weeping, he fled the ring... will he ever be seen again? But that wasn't the end of the story for Kippy. BABY WORM, stirred by the weight of the slams in the ring, restored through her divine scaly providence Kippy's stolen youth... and brought her parents to the ring! After two years of looking for their lost little girl, MR AND MRS AGE SEVEN reunited with their daughter and took her home. Theodosia, alone in the ring, took her bows. And thus concluded the story of Kippy... and the story of DINOSLAM! Hail Baby Worm!